If you're familiar in reading my blog posts, you'll know that I like to name my months ...
Words to guide me.
Words that the month calls forth.
I gave October the word of Release.
Why Release? Well, I finally released my first e-journey, Birthday Beautiful.
I was releasing old patterns of working and releasing the negative critic. I wanted her gone. I didn't want her to keep me small and contained.
Yesterday was a day that made me realise that we have to choose our words very carefully.
The past month, my laptop, (named mac) has been running very slow, he's 4 years old and is finally coming to the end of his memory. His hard drive life and internal memory need extending.
I have been preparing and trying to speed him up by taking all my files and putting them on to a separate external hard drive (EHD), which I only bought in April.
When I had done this, I deleted all the files from my mac, in the hope of giving me extra space and therefore extra time.
On Monday night, I plugged in my EHD, and ....
It wasn't recognised
In a state of numbness I tried it on a a windows laptop to see if it recognised it.
On going to the IT shop near me, he checked it with special software and no, nothing,
So it appears, I have lost a huge amount of my life (well the last 4 years).
Word documents, presentations, accounts, invoices, images, potential stories, plans, saved files.... et cetera et cetera et cetera.
It is quite huge.
So 'IT man' said he can try to retrieve files from my mac; files that have been deleted, but we are not sure what will be retrieved. [btw this is the same software the police use to scan the hard drive].
Yep, our hard drives on our computers have memories, even when files are deleted.
In the quiet time I wondered if this was a huge lesson about Release and Surrender?
An opportunity to start afresh, with a blank canvas?
I do have art work and writing out there, published and available. So I have something.
But am I being given the chance to recreate and start from scratch, without old files hat I have been carting around since I worked full time?
Is it giving me the chance to let go?
To realise that it is just not important?
To figure out that the only thing important is this present moment.
I have lost images for my business, headers, footers, signatures, but I have all the originals so I can start again. I just have to get design savvy.
I do still have original images in iPhoto, which is a real GRATEFUL, plus I have an email trail as I tend to email myself images, which is another GRATEFUL.
However it seems really quite a huge let go and I'm tired from the technical worries from this week. I am creating a healing art business and I want to take myself seriously, so I have to start to double & triple back up my work.
The work that is so important to me.
My words and my healing art.
This is the lesson of Surrender and Release.
I am detaching and trying to see this in a bigger picture sort of way
This week, I am allowing it all to sink in. I know I have to extend my mac hard drive and give him the attention so I have to now prepare the ground again for it to be handed in.
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I have no fancy image right now.
PS when have you had to Release and Surrender? Give me some hope that there is method in this madness...... please share below.